Age 21
Its diet cheat day and I am going to utilize it. I slide the doors of my favourite fast food joint wearing a simple jean and a t-shirt. As I approach the counter Alice spots me and gives me a knowing smile. I order the same thing every time I stop by at KFC, 2 Krushers just for me!! I buy one to make me regain the very little weight I have lost and buy the second one well simply because I can. ” I will pay for the beautiful lady,” I turn and notice this guy who might as well be a fallen angel.
One word to describe him beautiful with a capital B!! He is smiling, that perfect smile that just makes you melt and leaves you feeling breathless and I bet he knows it because I am still quiet, probably checking him out, obviously considering whether or not to join him on this impromptu date. Something about this day takes me back to a younger me…
Age 10
Adolescence has started seeping in my already chubby body. At this stage talking to a boy I like is exciting, thrilling even and maybe innocent. He says he likes me and I open my big googly eyes, as I am blushing I slowly stand up and then decide to………RUN as fast as my two stout legs can carry me, because my mother has told me not to play with boys.
Age 14
I spot the boy of my dreams. It’s in the high school corridor with about 100 students rushing off to their classes. It is unbelievable how I spot him but I do, in his tall dark demeanour approaching me. 5 seconds… that is all it takes me to plan our wedding and whether it will be a destination one, how many kids we are going to have together and……
He passes me by, says hello (doesn’t even bother to wait for a response) for I suppose he notices how I am ogling him. My heart rate goes up to 1000mp way faster than any 100m race I am ever going to run. My smile stretches from ear to ear and as I sit down in the history lesson I say to myself ” I am sorry mum but I am going to play with ‘that’ boy”
Age 15
My crush became my boyfriend (I can’t believe it either bf) and we are standing under a green leafy tree during break time. I have a smile written all over my face appreciating this new found happiness I have. “I have to tell you something,” he says and I prompt him to go on but in my mind I am screaming and my heart is telling me that he is finally going to propose and we will be the first African teenagers to have a successful reality show about being teenage parents and actually be in love.
He clears his throat disturbing my thoughts then he says, “Love is like a phat, if you force it shit comes out. So its over .” and just like that he walks away leaving me with a pathetic grin still plastered on my face. As I am slowly processing what just happened, I am breathing rather awkwardly and mother’s words are ringing in my ears. The tears are slowly coming and my smile has suddenly become painful then I see darkness….
Age 17
I am sitting in the school library pretending to be studying when I am impatiently waiting for him to come (a different guy). He finally does and the sight of him makes my anger vaporize into longing and I am reminded of why I like him. He nervously sits down that is when I realize that he is holding a Bible. I raise an eyebrow as he starts frantically flipping through the pages until he gets to the desired page when he slides the book to my side. It is Corinthians 13 marked and highlighted. I know the chapter all too well and instantly I smile thinking he is FINALLY going to ask me out.
I begin “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast……..it keeps no record of wrongs……..” I stop reading as he has waved his hand so I look at him with an eagerness, then he says, ” I can’t leave my girlfriend for you just yet, I don’t want to be the reason she fails exams, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you and I know you feel the same so you are going to wait for me. I want you to read that verse every single day and remember me. You love me so be patient, don’t be jealous and most importantly do not KEEP A RECORD of my wrongs.” I open my mouth completely dumb-founded, utterly speechless, and he does not wait for a response. He abruptly stands up gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, promises to call me later since he is late for rugby practice and then he goes. I am left with Corinthians 13 staring at me knowing that is not what it represents but as I reread it I realize that he has tainted how I view it forever.
Back to age 21
I smile back at this guy who has offered to pay for my drinks. “I am completely capable of paying for my drinks, better luck next time,” I say as I hand my card to Alice. He shrugs, takes his rather expensive looking phone out and then he walks away. Whether him and I were going to be partners, friends, soulmates even I will never know. One thing I do know though is I do not go for flings, spur of the moments type of relationships and definitely not crushes so I am just going to have a Krusher instead.
