Hi my name is Xenophobia, got that name from my dad Xeno, (Xeno – is a prefix based on the Greek word “Xenos”, meaning stranger) and mom Phobia (from the Greek meaning “fear” or “morbid fear”). They thought that it was “cool” to join their names together since I was an only child! My parents are not actually Greek, they just have a passion for Greek mythology and semantics. Anyway to cut a long story short, I am my own person now and after centuries of touring the world I was not going to miss the worlds biggest sporting spectacle, 2010 or is it called the World Cup I think its one in the same if you mention either one of these EVERYONE will know that you mean the soccer. For the first time ever it will be in Africa, South Africa to be precise! Its certainly not my first time here in South Africa. I made world headlines when I came in 2008! I was all over the news, locally and internationally and I am sure my parents were proud of me! I was proud of ME!

Throughout the soccer showcase I kept a low profile, and was disappointed to see my favorite team Germany go out, thanks to that darn Octopus, Paul. (That eight-legged squish bag had one too many mussels and it got to his head, biting the hand that feeds him. Well I have plans for you TOO!). Anyway all of a sudden I’m back in the news! I love the attention, and the funny thing is that nobody has actually even seen me yet! Well thats what THEY are saying. They say that I will come out of “hiding” after the final. Many have been warned about my coming and it seems people are running away. The officials actually said that it was a rumor that I was in the country and blamed my appearance in various townships, on criminal elements pretending to be me. Can you believe that! I WAS there! And I take offense to not being recognized! Hey do you want me to start burning stuff and announce on a megaphone “I am here!”  Actually whenever I come, I concentrate my visits to the townships, informal settlements and squatter camps (What is it with this place and these informal settlements, even I wouldn’t want to LIVE there).

According to the media July 11 2010 is the last day for all the foreigners to LEGALISE their status or ship out. After this I will strike down with great vengeance and furious anger those who remain! No more keeping a low profile, hey FIFA had their 15 seconds of fame, now its my turn! I am also looking to hog the news channels and papers. But before all this i need to set the record straight as to WHY I am so mad and why I have decided to express my anger now. I am hearing all sorts of things about me, people saying I am here to RESOLVE the issue of foreigners taking wives, jobs, business from the residents. And that residents are competing for scarce resources and aminities hence the issue of service delivery. Please, nothing can be further from the truth!

I am here because I have a problem with Zimbabweans, personally I like Zimbabweans as a people, they work hard and they are well educated and they have a reason why they left their country to come here. I have a reason why I left my country to come here too. Thats a topic for another day. What really makes my skin boil is that they spelt Zimbabwe with a ‘Z’. Now you can take peoples jobs and get away with a slap on the hand, take their business and they will just start another one elsewhere, heck even take their wives, they will probably find another one, but to take away the almighty ‘X’ and replace it with a “Z”! You will NOT get away with that. Imagine if ‘Z’ marked the spot? That’s totally uncool. Do you know the infinite connotations of replacing ‘X’ with ‘Z’? I could go on all night telling you why ‘Z’ just doesn’t work. By using ‘Z’ instead of ‘X’ you have caused a lot insecurity amongst the residents.

Hence I have been called to resolve this great misdemeanor and to equal out the playing field. All Zimbabweans are required to leave South Africa for at least 10 days and make sure that the next time they enter South Africa their Passports/ETDs/Asylums MUST all have the ‘Z’ in Zimbabwe replaced with an ‘X’, otherwise they will not be allowed to enter the Republic. Once these conditions are met then and ONLY then will I pack my bags and leave South Africa.

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