A transcript from the the lesson Saving Marriages presented at the Southern Africa International Lectureship, Johannesburg, 2013.

Also Read Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

We must understand in the first place that the origin of marriage and of family comes from God.
– We are living in a society where they are now redefining marriage
– They are now re-looking at how these things work and how we can look at certain committed relationships.
– The question of Homosexual marriages came up
– As christians this cannot even be discussed as a possibility
– 1 Corinthians 6 vs 9-11 – he makes it very clear to us and says do not let anybody fool you!
– It includes the idea of homosexuality, and he says you will not see the kingdom of heaven
– A harsh regard for who God is and knowing who you are dealing with.
– Its God’s kingdom and it is his will. You and I belong to him
– Unless we understand that we will always push the boundaries with God.

The divine structure comes from God
– He speaks of a spiritual dimension to marriage
– Where God is part of your marriage, God is part of your life
– God is in every way involved in the way that you live and the way that you conduct yourself
– What makes me so comfortable is the knowledge that our father is right here with us.
– When a husband treats his wife right, God hears his prayers  – 1 Peter 5
– That is a big deal we need God to hear our prayers
– When I treat my wife incorrectly and I treat her harshly God has a very dim view and it says your prayers are hindered.
– We need to be aware that we are dealing with a hold God, and we are not dealing with an equal.

The Incompatibility of a Christian Marrying a non Christian
– I am not saying don’t fall in love with someone who is not a christian
– But I would upfront tell you that you must teach them about the God that you serve
– And its within that spiritual realm of who you belong to
– Its not that you think you are better than anybody else
– But its because of who you are and who inhabits you that makes it even harsh to consider that there can be a spiritual union between that which is outside of Christ and that which is in.
– Holy and unholy do not mix

The divine will of God is that we must be worshipful with God
– We must be reverenced toward God
– Husband and wife should not go to bed without praying
– Talk to God each night with your wife or husband
– Let your spouse be a witness before a holy God as to where your heart lies

Relationship between husband and wife
– Many would be aware of the texts about the tremendous way of how a man should love his wife and how a wife should respect her husband
– Ephesians 5:21: Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
– Paul speaks to her husband must love his wife
– Speaks to the wife directly and says I want you to be submit to your husband
– Sometimes women may think of this as being a swear word
– In the original Greek submit is a construct of two words ‘under’ and ‘order’, it has nothing to do with who’s boss
– It has everything to do with the order in the way that we have aligned our lives under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the imperatives and needs of the church
– It is not forced down by the husband who says you need to be submissive to me
– But it is a direct request from God to the wife – I want you to order your life under your husband.
– The assumption is that he has ordered his life under the Lordship of Christ

Some dangers for husbands
– Sometimes we look at these things and relationships and marriages start to degenerate into power struggles
– We look at it and eventually it is tit for tat, wife says this husband says that and before long we have a mess in our hands
– Husbands may feel I have given up on marriage, I don’t want to do this anymore, my wife does her own thing
– Let me caution you. You will need to find the means to engage your wife
– You will need to engage her and appeal to her heart and love her so much that she will do what ever you want because it comes from God
– You don’t bargain with God because you are not equal
– Tell your wife everyday how much you love her
– Tell her that you are blessed to have her have your children

Bro Derreck Beukes has a a full 200 page thesis on Marital Thesis, the first on African soil that a theoretical consideration of marital therapy has been given a proper theological framework

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