A transcript from the the lesson Saving Marriages presented at the Southern Africa International Lectureship, Johannesburg, 2013.
We must understand in the first place that the origin of marriage and of family comes from God.
– We are living in a society where they are now redefining marriage
– They are now re-looking at how these things work and how we can look at certain committed relationships.
– The question of Homosexual marriages came up
– As christians this cannot even be discussed as a possibility
– 1 Corinthians 6 vs 9-11 – he makes it very clear to us and says do not let anybody fool you!
– It includes the idea of homosexuality, and he says you will not see the kingdom of heaven
– A harsh regard for who God is and knowing who you are dealing with.
– Its God’s kingdom and it is his will. You and I belong to him
– Unless we understand that we will always push the boundaries with God.
The divine structure comes from God
– He speaks of a spiritual dimension to marriage
– Where God is part of your marriage, God is part of your life
– God is in every way involved in the way that you live and the way that you conduct yourself
– What makes me so comfortable is the knowledge that our father is right here with us.
– When a husband treats his wife right, God hears his prayers – 1 Peter 5
– That is a big deal we need God to hear our prayers
– When I treat my wife incorrectly and I treat her harshly God has a very dim view and it says your prayers are hindered.
– We need to be aware that we are dealing with a hold God, and we are not dealing with an equal.
The Incompatibility of a Christian Marrying a non Christian
– I am not saying don’t fall in love with someone who is not a christian
– But I would upfront tell you that you must teach them about the God that you serve
– And its within that spiritual realm of who you belong to
– Its not that you think you are better than anybody else
– But its because of who you are and who inhabits you that makes it even harsh to consider that there can be a spiritual union between that which is outside of Christ and that which is in.
– Holy and unholy do not mix
The divine will of God is that we must be worshipful with God
– We must be reverenced toward God
– Husband and wife should not go to bed without praying
– Talk to God each night with your wife or husband
– Let your spouse be a witness before a holy God as to where your heart lies
Relationship between husband and wife
– Many would be aware of the texts about the tremendous way of how a man should love his wife and how a wife should respect her husband
– Ephesians 5:21: Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
– Paul speaks to her husband must love his wife
– Speaks to the wife directly and says I want you to be submit to your husband
– Sometimes women may think of this as being a swear word
– In the original Greek submit is a construct of two words ‘under’ and ‘order’, it has nothing to do with who’s boss
– It has everything to do with the order in the way that we have aligned our lives under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the imperatives and needs of the church
– It is not forced down by the husband who says you need to be submissive to me
– But it is a direct request from God to the wife – I want you to order your life under your husband.
– The assumption is that he has ordered his life under the Lordship of Christ
Some dangers for husbands
– Sometimes we look at these things and relationships and marriages start to degenerate into power struggles
– We look at it and eventually it is tit for tat, wife says this husband says that and before long we have a mess in our hands
– Husbands may feel I have given up on marriage, I don’t want to do this anymore, my wife does her own thing
– Let me caution you. You will need to find the means to engage your wife
– You will need to engage her and appeal to her heart and love her so much that she will do what ever you want because it comes from God
– You don’t bargain with God because you are not equal
– Tell your wife everyday how much you love her
– Tell her that you are blessed to have her have your children
Bro Derreck Beukes has a a full 200 page thesis on Marital Thesis, the first on African soil that a theoretical consideration of marital therapy has been given a proper theological framework