Sex on the first date

Sex on the first date
© Sasin Tipchai

I just can’t even fathom the idea having been raised in a christian home. What we learnt was sex was a preserve of married people. This was my guiding principle growing up and I was convicted of it and still am. That people should not engage in sex until they are married. So to think of the idea of sex on the first date! Phew!

So what I keep hearing to rationalise such is that times have changed and we are living in a more advanced and liberal society. I would not condone sex on the first date. Dating is a process of getting to know someone better. To understand their character and they also get an opportunity to understand you.

Let us paint a scenario of this. I meet someone possibly at a bar and we chat. They make me laugh I make them laugh. At the end of the date maybe an hour later then you agree to go to a secluded place with this person. You really have no knowledge about him and you take off your clothes and you engage in intimate sexual acts. Afterwards you leave and go your separate ways.

This is I guess is the personification of casual sex. You meet a person for the first time and you engage in the act. There is no real intimate bond, just a moment of lust. Movies, media, music videos have distorted reality and have taken the sanctity of sex and commodified to something that can be done. In fact they have an agenda to mostly take as much advantage of women as they can.

That’s why videos and movies are becoming more and more brazen with nudity and sex, they have slowly normalised and women are being depicted as easy pickings, hence men expect sex on the first date. Which means they will not look towards building any kind of meaningful relationships.

The idea of sex on the first date makes it difficult to weed out the men who are only after sex, who have no desire to commit or are concerned with your feelings. Growing up it wasn’t even easy proposing to a girl, replies didn’t even come that quick for a date. It seems now its much easier, and with the instant gratification culture that is there, everything has to happen now. I have a friend who said he has sex with his girlfriends so he can get to know them better. And he has fairly long list. I didn’t buy that idea and I told him. If you are having sex on the first date so you get to know the person better, you are misleading yourself.

Sex comes with emotional baggage. Regardless of what mainstream media may depict that its just short quick fun which everyone forgets. Unless off course you have engaged in so much that you have become hardened. Its become just an act (Sex workers may fall in this category). But these fleeting one night stands will take their toll on you emotionally. You will become desensitised to real affection.

Sex on the first date for me is definitely a fleeting, reckless act at best. You really have no idea who this person is who you are submitting to, at your most vulnerable. In my mind its also not valuing yourself enough to give yourself to someone you don’t know. In this day and age of murky lines between consent and non consent. I would stay far away from such situations.

Clearly with that attitude there is a good chance that you will have a long line of sex partners depending on when you started dating. Men will generally not hold you in any high regard. In fact they will let others know that you are easy picking. And its hardly a flattering badge to be known as such.

Apparently there is a research that says that every person you have intercourse with leaves a bit of their DNA in you, so all your sex partners will leave a piece of themselves in you. This will bring up new types of questions for another day. DNA Story Here

If you are not looking for a meaningful long term relationship then the idea of sex on the first date would not be outrageous. For those seeking meaningful relationships there is no need to hurry, there is lots of time to enjoy the gift of sex in marriage with your one partner.