Wednesday, June 12, 2024
spot_img
HomeMarriageThe Value of a Wife

The Value of a Wife

My wife left for Zimbabwe for a month because of some funny rule at Roodepoort licensing department that says an accompanying spouse cannot get a traffic register. Hence she cannot get a drivers license unless she has her own work permit.

Anyway I was left with my 6 year old daughter and my four year old son. I had never been away from my wife WITH the kids for this long! It was going to be a test which I thought I would handle pretty easily but it was not as straight forward.

1. Companionship

The first issue that hit me was the importance of companionship. My phone bill will definitely be high this month. Just general chit chat and the occasional sulk (kuyema). It really had me thinking about how single parents cope. Just her presence in the house, knowing that she is around. I wouldn’t be able to cope with bachelorhood!

2. The Work

I generally didn’t have a problem with the housework because we grew up doing that. But the rate at which the kids brought havoc to the house just after it was cleaned amazed me. It made me appreciate how patient my wife is and how patient my mother was.

3. A gift from God

Children are a precious gift from God. So treasure them and raise them up in fear of the Lord. And you have to start as soon as they can talk. Don’t under estimate them in this regard. I still did not spare the rod. I have better insight of what the word means when it says be like children. They are so quick to forgive and they are so trusting. Even after being disciplined they still genuinely show their affection. We should be like them towards God. And Fathers are urged not to provoke their children. Even the disciplining has to be balanced.

4. Patience

First few days I got a headache from talking so much and wondered how come I never heard my wife. I realised that kids are not adults. They are kids despite however clever they may seem and how quick they grasp certain concepts. They are still kids and need vast amounts of attention. There were some things my kids did which frustrated me but I realised that I was guilty of the very same things! Such were things that probably frustrate my wife as well! The kids tested my patience because when their mother is there she absorbs a lot of the energy, complaints etc from the kids. It has been humbling test of patience.

5. Balancing Act

Since I work from home I had to now balance the work and the kids. In her absence they naturally turned to me and rightfully required a double dose of attention! Thankfully I didn’t have too much work (Even had time to do an infographic for the draft constitution). I realised the enormous task my wife had of balancing between her husband and her children. Giving them both equal amount of time and love while still doing all the housework.

6. Parents

The first right that a child has, is the right to be raised by both parents. Parents have to work out their issues and work as a team to rightfully raise their children. So they see a good example of how a family is run.

Conclusion

Husbands be responsible, boys leave girls alone, if you love her you will respect her dignity. Girls aspire to be good wives. Guard yourselves preciously. Let us take care of our wives and honour them. These precious beings work hard. I don’t know how a working mother who does not have a maid can cope! Its tough!

I have learnt a lot of things that I took for granted, not cos I loved my wife any less or I was inconsiderate. I just didn’t see things from her perspective and with this one month I now understand what she goes through.

In our endeavour to provide for and defend our wives and children lets cut down on the excuses. Let us not let those roles overshadow and become an excuse for why we cannot spend time with our kids. Also to give our wives a break and roll up our sleeves regularly to help out. Let us be husbands our wives can look up to with respect and fathers our children will also look to for guidance and support.

Lets lead our homes with a fear of God, knowing that we are accountable for the salvation of our families as leaders of the home. God Bless

Baynham Goredema
Baynham Goredemahttps://baynhamgoredema.com
Father | Graphic Designer | Print Maker | Social Commentator
RELATED ARTICLES

16 COMMENTS

  1. This is an interesting piece but not a philosophy that I agree with. We humans are very good at picking and choosing the rules that serve us best and seeing yourself as the “head” of your home and a figure that your wife “looks up to” is certainly very nice. Who wouldn’t want to be large and in charge, whether or not one was good at it. I believe in being a partner in my relationship with my husband.
    I shun these so-called traditional roles which I see as an easy way to justify inequality between the sexes. With relationships, two people come together and do what works for them. What works for them may not work for others, but that doesn’t matter because other people are not having their relationship. I aspired, and continue to aspire, to be many things – educated, enlightened, exposed to different experiences. One thing I never aspired to be was a wife, let alone a good one. Do people expect men to sit around and dream of one day making something of themselves by getting married?
    I do think that it is great that being apart from your wife gave you a greater appreciation of her. However, had this been my experience, my takeaway would have been very different.

    • Thanks for your comment. “Girls aspire to be good wives” is only in context of this article. Not all girls are going to be married, and not all men are going to marry. And there is nothing wrong with that. But for those who have the intention to get married, then its good to set the standard high and aspire to be the best. Men who have the intention of marrying must also aspire to a higher standard and must realise what God expects of them in marriage.
      My basis for headship for man in the home comes from the Bible, a role defined by God that the man shall be the head of the family.
      issues of inequality comes up when people move away from God’s plan.

      • I am a self confessed feminist who is also a mother & a wife. I have a unique combination of being both an African woman & a christian woman & a feminist. I was raised as an only daughter out of five children in my family. My parents taught me that God came first then myself & my spouse in that order. It was explained to me that I could love if I loved myself & felt complete within myself. I believe that each marriage relationship is unique & the two people involved in it know best what works for them. I have seen couples who follow traditional roles & are happy.

        However the traditional role has come under scrutiny due to being exploited by oppressive men. In the biblical role the man is commanded to love his wife. To me a man who loves you will not oppress you or subject you to pain. For me I can see equality in a truly biblical marriage where a husband will seek for my opinion & discuss issues. However I am always of the opinion that a woman must seek the kingdom of God first & his purpose for her life. She must be happy as an individual & not look to a man, husband or boyfriend for her happiness. Man cannot fulfil you they are human beings with flaws, only God can. To an unmarried woman I would say seek the kingdom of God the rest will fall into place. To a young man I would say to check if you are biblical husband do you love your wife as christ loves the church. Are you being self serving or do you have servant leadership in your marriage. If you have agape love & servant leadership you are a biblical husband.

        • I could like your response 1000 times. If people adhered to the biblical standard of marriage and also knowing who they are in God, relationships would be more fulfilling.

  2. This is an interesting piece but not a philosophy that I agree with. We humans are very good at picking and choosing the rules that serve us best and seeing yourself as the “head” of your home and a figure that your wife “looks up to” is certainly very nice. Who wouldn’t want to be large and in charge, whether or not one was good at it. I believe in being a partner in my relationship with my husband.
    I shun these so-called traditional roles which I see as an easy way to justify inequality between the sexes. With relationships, two people come together and do what works for them. What works for them may not work for others, but that doesn’t matter because other people are not having their relationship. I aspired, and continue to aspire, to be many things – educated, enlightened, exposed to different experiences. One thing I never aspired to be was a wife, let alone a good one. Do people expect men to sit around and dream of one day making something of themselves by getting married?
    I do think that it is great that being apart from your wife gave you a greater appreciation of her. However, had this been my experience, my takeaway would have been very different.

    • Thanks for your comment. “Girls aspire to be good wives” is only in context of this article. Not all girls are going to be married, and not all men are going to marry. And there is nothing wrong with that. But for those who have the intention to get married, then its good to set the standard high and aspire to be the best. Men who have the intention of marrying must also aspire to a higher standard and must realise what God expects of them in marriage.
      My basis for headship for man in the home comes from the Bible, a role defined by God that the man shall be the head of the family.
      issues of inequality comes up when people move away from God’s plan.

      • I am a self confessed feminist who is also a mother & a wife. I have a unique combination of being both an African woman & a christian woman & a feminist. I was raised as an only daughter out of five children in my family. My parents taught me that God came first then myself & my spouse in that order. It was explained to me that I could love if I loved myself & felt complete within myself. I believe that each marriage relationship is unique & the two people involved in it know best what works for them. I have seen couples who follow traditional roles & are happy.

        However the traditional role has come under scrutiny due to being exploited by oppressive men. In the biblical role the man is commanded to love his wife. To me a man who loves you will not oppress you or subject you to pain. For me I can see equality in a truly biblical marriage where a husband will seek for my opinion & discuss issues. However I am always of the opinion that a woman must seek the kingdom of God first & his purpose for her life. She must be happy as an individual & not look to a man, husband or boyfriend for her happiness. Man cannot fulfil you they are human beings with flaws, only God can. To an unmarried woman I would say seek the kingdom of God the rest will fall into place. To a young man I would say to check if you are biblical husband do you love your wife as christ loves the church. Are you being self serving or do you have servant leadership in your marriage. If you have agape love & servant leadership you are a biblical husband.

        • I could like your response 1000 times. If people adhered to the biblical standard of marriage and also knowing who they are in God, relationships would be more fulfilling.

  3. This is an interesting piece but not a philosophy that I agree with. We humans are very good at picking and choosing the rules that serve us best and seeing yourself as the “head” of your home and a figure that your wife “looks up to” is certainly very nice. Who wouldn’t want to be large and in charge, whether or not one was good at it. I believe in being a partner in my relationship with my husband.
    I shun these so-called traditional roles which I see as an easy way to justify inequality between the sexes. With relationships, two people come together and do what works for them. What works for them may not work for others, but that doesn’t matter because other people are not having their relationship. I aspired, and continue to aspire, to be many things – educated, enlightened, exposed to different experiences. One thing I never aspired to be was a wife, let alone a good one. Do people expect men to sit around and dream of one day making something of themselves by getting married?
    I do think that it is great that being apart from your wife gave you a greater appreciation of her. However, had this been my experience, my takeaway would have been very different.

    • Thanks for your comment. “Girls aspire to be good wives” is only in context of this article. Not all girls are going to be married, and not all men are going to marry. And there is nothing wrong with that. But for those who have the intention to get married, then its good to set the standard high and aspire to be the best. Men who have the intention of marrying must also aspire to a higher standard and must realise what God expects of them in marriage.
      My basis for headship for man in the home comes from the Bible, a role defined by God that the man shall be the head of the family.
      issues of inequality comes up when people move away from God’s plan.

      • I am a self confessed feminist who is also a mother & a wife. I have a unique combination of being both an African woman & a christian woman & a feminist. I was raised as an only daughter out of five children in my family. My parents taught me that God came first then myself & my spouse in that order. It was explained to me that I could love if I loved myself & felt complete within myself. I believe that each marriage relationship is unique & the two people involved in it know best what works for them. I have seen couples who follow traditional roles & are happy.

        However the traditional role has come under scrutiny due to being exploited by oppressive men. In the biblical role the man is commanded to love his wife. To me a man who loves you will not oppress you or subject you to pain. For me I can see equality in a truly biblical marriage where a husband will seek for my opinion & discuss issues. However I am always of the opinion that a woman must seek the kingdom of God first & his purpose for her life. She must be happy as an individual & not look to a man, husband or boyfriend for her happiness. Man cannot fulfil you they are human beings with flaws, only God can. To an unmarried woman I would say seek the kingdom of God the rest will fall into place. To a young man I would say to check if you are biblical husband do you love your wife as christ loves the church. Are you being self serving or do you have servant leadership in your marriage. If you have agape love & servant leadership you are a biblical husband.

        • I could like your response 1000 times. If people adhered to the biblical standard of marriage and also knowing who they are in God, relationships would be more fulfilling.

  4. This is an interesting piece but not a philosophy that I agree with. We humans are very good at picking and choosing the rules that serve us best and seeing yourself as the “head” of your home and a figure that your wife “looks up to” is certainly very nice. Who wouldn’t want to be large and in charge, whether or not one was good at it. I believe in being a partner in my relationship with my husband.
    I shun these so-called traditional roles which I see as an easy way to justify inequality between the sexes. With relationships, two people come together and do what works for them. What works for them may not work for others, but that doesn’t matter because other people are not having their relationship. I aspired, and continue to aspire, to be many things – educated, enlightened, exposed to different experiences. One thing I never aspired to be was a wife, let alone a good one. Do people expect men to sit around and dream of one day making something of themselves by getting married?
    I do think that it is great that being apart from your wife gave you a greater appreciation of her. However, had this been my experience, my takeaway would have been very different.

    • Thanks for your comment. “Girls aspire to be good wives” is only in context of this article. Not all girls are going to be married, and not all men are going to marry. And there is nothing wrong with that. But for those who have the intention to get married, then its good to set the standard high and aspire to be the best. Men who have the intention of marrying must also aspire to a higher standard and must realise what God expects of them in marriage.
      My basis for headship for man in the home comes from the Bible, a role defined by God that the man shall be the head of the family.
      issues of inequality comes up when people move away from God’s plan.

      • I am a self confessed feminist who is also a mother & a wife. I have a unique combination of being both an African woman & a christian woman & a feminist. I was raised as an only daughter out of five children in my family. My parents taught me that God came first then myself & my spouse in that order. It was explained to me that I could love if I loved myself & felt complete within myself. I believe that each marriage relationship is unique & the two people involved in it know best what works for them. I have seen couples who follow traditional roles & are happy.

        However the traditional role has come under scrutiny due to being exploited by oppressive men. In the biblical role the man is commanded to love his wife. To me a man who loves you will not oppress you or subject you to pain. For me I can see equality in a truly biblical marriage where a husband will seek for my opinion & discuss issues. However I am always of the opinion that a woman must seek the kingdom of God first & his purpose for her life. She must be happy as an individual & not look to a man, husband or boyfriend for her happiness. Man cannot fulfil you they are human beings with flaws, only God can. To an unmarried woman I would say seek the kingdom of God the rest will fall into place. To a young man I would say to check if you are biblical husband do you love your wife as christ loves the church. Are you being self serving or do you have servant leadership in your marriage. If you have agape love & servant leadership you are a biblical husband.

        • I could like your response 1000 times. If people adhered to the biblical standard of marriage and also knowing who they are in God, relationships would be more fulfilling.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisment -
Google search engine

Most Popular

Recent Comments

Gibson Mandikuwaza on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Munashe Cam-litl Chikuni on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Thandolwenkosi Mdlongwa on All that glitters is not Gold
Thandolwenkosi Mdlongwa on Do stereotypes exist?
Pwazi via Govhingo on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Pwazi via Govhingo on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Pwazi via Govhingo on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Asslly Mafaune on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Enock Kepekepe on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
bayhaus on The Value of a Wife
bayhaus on The Value of a Wife
Pandave on The Value of a Wife
bayhaus on Mother and child
Ntombi Kanyoka on Mother and child
Pandave on The Value of a Wife
bayhaus on Mother and child
rodrick on What is prayer?
rodrick on What is prayer?
Ntombi Kanyoka on Mother and child
Omolayo Nkem on How NOT to cause Offense
Omolayo Nkem on How NOT to cause Offense
Emmanuel Mujuru on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Weshambo Mudzu on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Weshambo Mudzu on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Manyara Manyara on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Manyara Manyara on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
why so certain on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
why so certain on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Mudhara Pfende on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Mudhara Pfende on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
bayhaus on Mother and child
bayhaus on Mother and child
Ntombi Kanyoka on Mother and child
Ntombi Kanyoka on Mother and child
Mr.Sunningdale(Kong Town) on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
Mr.Sunningdale(Kong Town) on Indigenous Fruits of Zimbabwe
DrThinkingAloud on A Musical Journey
DrThinkingAloud on A Musical Journey
bayhaus on The Value of a Wife
bayhaus on The Value of a Wife
Pandave on The Value of a Wife
Pandave on The Value of a Wife
rodrick on What is prayer?
rodrick on What is prayer?