When asked describe themselves, below is a list of apt replies which can be used to describe Zimbabweans. This list was first created around 2008 during the mass exodus from Zimbabwe. Over the years a few more types of Zimbabweans have raised their hands to be counted so I have added them to the list.
(1) Poorly Zimbabwean
Is qualified with a degree in Marketing from the University of your choice in Zimbabwe but you a waiter in Cape Town, Johannesburg etc
(2) Probably Zimbabwean
If he knows someone called Givemore or Lovemore or starts his sentences with ‘you know’ or ‘actually’.
(3) Promising Zimbabwean
Is a youth growing up with a mandate not to take the bad decisions of our elders and take only the good for the benefit of the whole nation.
(4) Proudly Zimbabwean
Has NEVER been out of Zimbabwe for the sole reason that Zimbabwe is the best country in the world and he will make it work no matter what.
(5) Privileged Zimbabwean
Belong to the few who are benefiting from the various gravy trains…
(6) Promiscuous Zimbabwean
Is in the diaspora and is married but has a wife and family in his country of origin and he keeps telling them how tough it is for him to raise funds for them to come. If he is local he has a small house, or she is a small house.
(7) Problematic Zimbabwean
Is easily used for political agendas and he is ready to take or give a bribe.
(8) Political Zimbabwean
Is always talking politics, especially behind closed doors with no action to back it up.
(9) Polokwanean Zimbabwean
Born in Polokwane in a remote village but, cannot speak the local language. No one there knows his childhood background but he has full SA documentation.
(10) Patriotic Zimbabwean
Stands up for whats right and shuns corruption, he values integrity national unity and fellow Zimbabweans regardless of their race or ethnicity.
(11) Prophetic Zimbabwean
Are the miracle seeking followers of the new age prosperity prophets and pastors
(12) Prosperous Zimbabwean
Are the flamboyant prophets and pastors who insist that you can speak riches and wealth into your own life and become as affluent as him. If not its because you do not have enough faith.
(13) Passenger Zimbabwean
Sits on the passenger seat complaining and blaming everyone yet he is not willing to take the wheel and drive, never contributing to the solutions. Always content with watching from the sidelines.
(14) Purely Zimbabwean
If your grand parents, parents and you were born in Zimbabwe, then you are an elusive pure breed!
(15) Pessimistic Zimbabwean
Believes that things will never get better, EVER!
(16) Profiteering Zimbabwean
Over charges on all his products and services even though he doesn’t need to.
(17) Pitiful Zimbabwean
Expects the whole world to feel sorry for him because of his situation and what he has been through, yet he is part of the reason he is in that current position.
(18) Populist Zimbabwean
Always plays to the gallery telling people what they want to hear and sways whichever way the wind blows.
(19) Pragmatic Zimbabwean
Takes the bull by the horns and makes a plan regardless of the cards he has been dealt.
(20) Peaceful Zimbabwean
Shuns and avoids violence because one liberation war was enough.
(21) Prayerful Zimbabwean
Accepts that not everything is in his power to influence and knows there is a higher being to turn to. He does the best he can and leaves the rest to God.
Do any of these describe you? If I have left any feel free to add in the comments.